


Day 20 Disagreement

by Andromeda612



Series: Nathmarc November 2020 [21]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marc Anciel & Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug are Cousins, Marc Anciel Has an Anxiety Disorder, Protective Nathaniel Kurtzberg, This count as angst?, fluffy boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:55:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27561109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andromeda612/pseuds/Andromeda612
Summary: There is one thing that Nathaniel will always disagree with Marc.
Relationships: Marc Anciel & Nathaniel Kurtzberg, Marc Anciel/Nathaniel Kurtzberg
Series: Nathmarc November 2020 [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1978378
Comments: 9
Kudos: 27





	Day 20 Disagreement

**Author's Note:**

> Warning! ⚠⚠⚠ Description of anxiety.  
> I used my own experience as well as some comments from a friend that is studying psychology. 
> 
> Mal'aj = angel in Yiddish

Marc and Nathaniel have many things in common, of course they also have differences, they don’t see eye to eye in everything, but like the civilized persons they are, they just talk, if they disagree on something they talk about it, they have had fights about this? Of course, like any other people or couple, but at the end they always sort things out, is part of life and is fine. 

However, there is one thing that Nathaniel would disagree forever with Marc and would always fight with teeth and nails to make his point win. What is it? Marc’s anxiety, or more like what his anxiety always whispers to him. 

He hates it, the fact that Marc, his Mal’aj, has to deal with it hurts, what he hates the most is the fact that Marc feels guilty for having anxiety sometimes— of the few things he would never agree with him— he knows that is not the case— no matter what some assholes or even the writer himself would think— Marc didn’t ask for it, he doesn’t want it, but there is it. 

He still can remember the day Marc told him about it, it was almost two months after their first issue, he already knew Marc was nervous and incredibly shy, but that day in particular something was off, he was more quiet than normal and his smiles looked so… fake, the fact that his cousin was sending worried glances his way didn’t help to erase his concerns. He tried asking her about it but Marinette’s answer just helped to make him more worried. 

_ “Is not my thing to say, if Marc wants to trust you with it is his decision to make, just don't press him”  _

He was determined to help Marc, he was his friend, he got to know him better and the writer was the sweetest person he knew, if he could do something he would. 

That afternoon he proposed to work in his place, knowing that a more private environment would help his friend to feel safer. During their walk to his home he noticed his friend tense, he seemed kind of sad too. When they arrived they worked for a while, though Nathaniel was more concentrated in thinking how to address the issue— which he didn’t even know yet— unknown to him Marc was also having troubles concentrating but for whole different reasons. 

When he gathered the courage he addressed his friend and grew worried when he saw him flinching at his name, and the look he gave him, it was so lost, he felt his heart breaking a little. When he asked if he was okay Marc tried to lie and say yes, but at that point all the feelings locked up were obvious, Nathaniel talked to him as soft as he could, he said he was truly concerned about him, that he noticed something was wrong, that if Marc didn’t want he didn’t have to tell him but he really wanted to help because they were friends and he was genuinely worried about his well being, Nathaniel showed all the honesty and care he could and it seemed that it convinced Marc because soon enough the writer starter to crack, a rebel tear falling down his eye, a whisper asking if he wanted to replace him, more tears slowly dropping from his eyes as Nathaniel horrified and scandalized told him that no, he didn’t want to replace him, he would never and from where he got that idea from? That was a total and ugly lie! 

And finally the writer broke, crying his heart out he told Nathaniel everything. Nathaniel learned Marc has an anxiety disorder. The writer explained from how it originated— years of being either totally ignored or bullied by his former classmates— to how it affected him, he can still remember his words. 

_ “Is a bunch of thoughts that just come to my mind and don’t leave, they are like whispers inside my head, telling me things that I don’t want to hear, things that hurt, that make me anxious: you are lame, they don’t care about you is just pitty, you are not good enough, why would they want to be your friends? your writing is not good, your talent is not enough, they would get tired of you soon or late, you are the problem; things like that, even when I try to ignore them they are still there at the back of my head, making me doubt of me, of everything and everyone, even when I know some of the things are not true, I can’t help but keep thinking about them and the thoughts get stronger, the ideas keep hunting me and they stay there for who know how long, sometimes they stop soon after they appear, other times they took days to disappear, either way is still awful, I don’t want them, I don’t like to doubt my friends or my family but they keep coming, my therapist helps but… the problem is still there and I can’t stop it, is frustrating _ ” 

That afternoon they didn’t do any progress in their comic, instead the redhead hugged the noiret, he kept reassuring and comforting his friend, he walked him home and that night Nathaniel talked with his parents, he asked them all he could think of about anxiety and how to help someone with it, they were a huge help and didn’t push when he didn’t want to give further details— they knew their son would tell them when he needed to— he talked to Marinette and asked for advice which she gladly provided. 

> Marc is sweet and caring with all his friends but always puts his own feelings last, Nathaniel is more than happy to care for him and if that means that he had to protect him even from his own mind so be it, because Marc is the kind of person that deserves that and more.

With time Nathaniel learned to identificate the signs of Marc’s anxious thoughts, he also learned a little more about it. 

“ _ Sometimes is not thoughts, sometimes is a situation, I get anxious and start to panic _ ” 

He learned that Marc really hates being the center of attention, crowds and noisy places, especially if he was alone, he learned about his panic attacks and how to deal with them, with time he became an expert, Marinette even deposited her entire trust in him when it comes to her dear cousin’s well being, that day Nathaniel felt proud for having Marinette's approval. 

He also learned about Marc’s bad days, again it was obvious the writer was forcing himself to smile, to look fine, they talked and Nathaniel learned. 

“ _ Is not THAT bad actually, is just… some days the world just feels too overwhelming, I don’t want anything but stay in home”  _

He learned to identificate those days as well, when Marc looked tired and at just one loud noise to run and hide in the quietest and darkest place he could find. He also learned that he can keep his friend company during those days, so whenever that happened he would ask Marc if he wanted him to be there— the writer said yes most of the time— he would spoil the noiret with sweets and his favorite books. 

Nathaniel learned all about his best friend’s anxiety and became an expert at helping him with it, in some occasions the writer even asked for his presence instead of Marinette’s. During that time he also developed romantic feelings towards his friend and the desire to look after him got stronger. 

Every time Marc’s anxiety was there to harass him, he was also there ready to contradict it. 

“ _ My writing is lame, my talent is not enough _ ” 

Your stories are awesome and you are the best writer I know, our comic’s success is proof enough, but I’ll ask every single one of our friends and fans if I have to, and I bet they would agree with me. 

“ _ How is it that you guys are not tired of me? everybody gets tired at some point _ ”

Those people were asshole that didn’t take the time to get to know you better, because if they did they would still be your friends because you are an amazing person and an even better friend, it was their lost not yours, we are still your friends because we like you and we know how to appreciate a treasure when we see it. 

“ _ Are you sure it will be fine if I go? I’m not even in your class I don’t want to be a bother _ ” 

Marinette, Alix and I want you there, and I assure you the rest would love to meet you, and if someone has a problem with you being there they can go to f… 

“ _ NATHANIEL _ ” 

With time— and lots of support from Marinette, Alix and Nathaniel— Marc’s anxiety got better, he still was anxious at certain situations but they were always there to help him, he still had the bad days, but his friends made them more bearable, but what improve the most were the thoughts. 

“ _ They became weaker, and less frecuents, the last time I got them was like two months ago, my therapist is proud and I think the sessions feel more relaxed and they help more _ ”

Nathaniel was happy, he was helping his friend and Marc was getting better. 

Then they confessed to each other and started dating. Nathaniel was even happier, now he could fill Marc with cuddles and kisses every time he had a bad day, he could kiss all his worries aways when the thoughts came, he could cradle him between his arms after a panic attack. Though, even when Marc’s anxiety was better some new thought came, but he was ready to disagree with every single one of them. 

“ _ Don’t you think it is weird I like to wear makeup, dresses or skirts _ ?” 

Clothes and makeup have no gender, wear whatever you want, the important thing is that you feel comfortable with it. And if someone dares to differ, remember they don’t matter, I bet they are just jealous because you look cute in everything and they don’t. 

“ _ I look like a girl, I know it has nothing to do with your feelings for me but... _ ” 

I can name all the things that made me fall for you and I can assure it would take me days to finish, the fact that you are androgynous don’t change anything, you are you and I love you for that. 

“ _ There are so many girls and boys that are better than me, why would you _ …” 

A kiss didn’t let him finish. I could say the same about you, but I think the answer for both of us is that I love you, and for me you are perfect with flaws and all, I can’t think of a life where we are not together. 

“ _ I’m too skinny, and I now my body is not the most attractive _ ”

Nathaniel has a lot of ways to contradict that thought, it all depends on how far Marc wants to go. 

**⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜**

“Nathaniel?” The redhead snaps out from his thoughts at his boyfriend’s soft voice. Today is one of Marc’s bad days, they are cuddling on the writer’s bed, he was humming a random melody. Normally is the noiret who sings when they are alone, but during these days Nathaniel gladly takes the role of singer and hums or sings something for Marc, because it relaxes him. The artist looks down— to his chest where Marc is adorably cuddling— to face his boyfriend. 

“Yes, Mal’aj?” he asks softly as he strokes Marc’s dark hair. 

“Can you sing a lullaby, please?” The writer shyly requests— lullabies are his favorites for this kind of day— Nathaniel smiles sweetly and kisses his head, he knows exactly which one to sing. 

_ Golden slumbers kiss your eyes, Smiles await you when you rise. _

He can feel Marc melting in their embrace, he also does as he strokes his boyfriend’s hair, his voice filling the room. 

**Author's Note:**

> Anxiety sucks, I can't promise it would get better, but I can assure you whatever it says is not true, you are a wonderful person, you have flaws and virtues but that doesn't make you more or less than anybody else, you are human and because of that you have the right to feel, sad or angry, happy or tired, you matter just for being you.  
> Not everybody has the luck to count on someone, but if you have someone that you feel you can trust go to them, even if you feel guilty (even when there is no reason for it) because the worst you can do is to suffer in silence, you don't need to be alone in this.  
> I wish for everybody that deals with any form of anxiety that they have someone that could disagree with whatever the anxiety says, that would be for them whenever they need.


End file.
